bluegargantua

Hi,

buxom_bey is a goddess.
And not for the reasons her LJ handle would suggest
(Although they are pretty damn ode-worthy)

No, buxom_bey is a goddess
Because she saw my post
The one about a cake made of pie
And she thought
"Huh, I bet as a goddess I could easily do that."

And as she was a goddess.
And she took a pecan pie
Put an apple pie on it
Put a pumpkin pie on that
Then slathered it with frosting.
And lo, she hath wrought a cake made of pie.

Then, being a generous and kind goddess
She offered me a slice.

Tongue cannot form the words
To describe how good it was
And though I am a Man
Like unto every Action Movie Hero you've ever seen
Still I wept like a baby
Tears of purest joy.

So buxom_bey is a goddess.
And I shall build her a temple.
Made of cake.
Made of pie.

finis
Tom

asciikitty is a Goddess.
And even though I've said that a couple of times before.
And even though you may suspect that I say she's a Goddess because
I have to.
You would be wrong on both counts.

asciikitty is a Goddess.
And proofs of her divinity are constantly required
Because atheists and heathens
Just
Won't
Take
My
Word
For it.
(jerky stupid-faces!)

So behold!
I went to a bookstore over my lunchbreak.
I browsed amongst the tomes of knowledge yet purchased none.
I returned to my car for the drive back to work.
Once
Twice
Thrice
I turned the key.
But the car would not start.
And I said some rather rude things.

So I walked back to my office.
Agonizing over what could be wrong with my car.
Bad key?
Busted starter?
Broken alternator?
How the heck would I know?
But I suspected my magic key might have lost it's magic.
Luckily, I entrusted a spare to my Goddess.

Thus I called upon my Goddess.
"Come help me," I cried.
And lo, she dropped everything and rushed out to help me
(after getting her coffee, cause, you know, coffee)
But her key provided no relief from my miseries.
And I despaired
For now it would have to go to some random garage
To get looked at.

"I shall call triple-A and wait with the car."
Declared asciikitty who
If you'll recall
Is a Goddess
"and if the garage can fix it great and if not
I shall drive you about in my chariot."
And lo, she did.

And the triple-A guy was a minor deity.
Because he said "oh, it's your battery. It's dead."
And gave us a jump.
And though her duties were discharged, still asciikitty was a Goddess
For she drove to the battery place to get a new battery
And spent untold hours in the limbo of slow service
The knitting on her sweater increasing by rows and rows and rows.

But finally it was done.
And I had a car.
And I made it to game.
And I made it to work today.

So asciikitty is a Goddess.
And while I didn't get her a cookie
I did bring her an offering of super-dark chocolate truffles.
Which seemed to appease her.

later
Tom

asciikitty is a Goddess.
And I know I've said that before
But it was true back then
And it's true now.

For lo, I was asked to move my car
That they might plow.
And lo, I took to the driveway without thought
Or heed.
And lo, I went out the door without cell phone
Or car keys
Or housekeys.
Which fact I only realized when the door had locked behind me.
And lo, I was low.

And after some frantic calls to lesser deities.
(my mom and her aunt)
I did discover her cell phone number
(For why would I need remember it when it is in my cell phone --
Which I always have with me?).
And I placed the call.
And told her my predicament.

And asciikitty, as mentioned earlier,
Was a Goddess.
For she left the house of her boyfriend and
She drove all the way out from the Ville of Sommer,
Over barely plowed highways
To gift me with the key that would open the door
And give me a place to sleep tonight.

And so, asciikitty is a Goddess.
And the Bestest Babeo Ever.
And I would gift her with a cookie,
But she's not big on that
So maybe I'll get her sushi instead.


Thanks, sweetie
Tom

asciikitty is a Goddess.
I mean, yeah, she's always been a Goddess.
But you only get the "Ode" poem
When you do something especially deific.
The rest of the time you're just
A goddess.

Asciikitty gave me a ride the other day.
It was supposed to be a short ride.
Out to Worcester and back.
I promised her gas and a hamburger.
She agreed to help me out.
And that alone makes her a Goddess.

But then, yea, I descended into the
Black Pits of Car Finance Hell.
A trip I had been expecting to make
Though not that day.
And certainly not with any hapless attendants.
Certainly not with asciikitty.

And the afternoon wore on
and on
and on
and on
and on.

And the car showroom was very boring
And the coffee was crap.
And the book was unsatisfactory.
And there were pressing engagments
The Goddess had to attend to.
And still the demons of Finance
Kept me imprisoned.

Cake was offered the Goddess.
And she ate it.
It was pretty tasty.
But it wasn't a hamburger.
And she had to go.

But still the demons said,
"Just one more minute".
But they were on Demons of Finance Time.
Where one minute is of a thousand, thousand hours.

And lo, the Goddess was very upset.
And she even got a little teary.
(Thus, I am in the Holy Doghouse)
So I gave her leave to run free.
While I contined to wrestle with the demons.

I hope she made her other Goddess-ly
Engagements.

And so asciikitty is a Goddess.
And I owe her a hamburger.
I owe her the Platonic Ideal of a Hamburger.
(Normally, I'd owe her cookies,
But she asked for hamburger specifically)
And I will procure her such a hamburger
Even if I must slay the sacred white bull
Of the Gods.

And it won't be blasphemous.
Because asciikitty is a Goddess
And if she wants all-sacred beef patty hamburgers.
She darn well deserves them.

Tom