Dear LJ...

[bluegargantua]

Today, I got to explain to my mom "who gets to be the man" in lesbian relationships.

I hope I did right by my lesbian friends.

I also got to explain about "bears". "So you know those tough motorcycle guys you see at Sturgis? Yeah, gay."

I love my mother dearly, but her life in a monoculture has made her very strange to me.

later
Tom

Comments

[kcatalyst.livejournal.com]

So, who does get to be the man?

[bluegargantua]

Neither, if they wanted a man, they wouldn't be lesbians.

I know that's a really simplified version, but the subtleties confuse me a lot of the time and would just go right over my mom's head. I assume every relationship is a snowflake and the participants in the relationship decide who takes on what gender roles (or if they share/exchange it, or if a given gender role is even important to their relationship).

It would be nice for my mom if all lesbian relationships fell along a strict femme/dyke pairing that synced up to a female/male het relationship and that all gender roles were perfectly codified. I suppose I've seen so many combinations that I find it difficult to say anything definitive since I know no one label applies. I've given up easy certainty in favor of infinate possibilites, but that makes it hard to try and help people from the monoculture look outside the box.

Still, I hope I conveyed the general idea to my mom. At least I didn't say "the one currently wearing the strap-on". :)

later
Tom

[beowabbit]

At least I didn't say "the one currently wearing the strap-on". :)

Actually, it’s the one with the bigger strap-on! You should see some of the household credit-card bills! :-)

[chienne-folle.livejournal.com]

Neither, if they wanted a man, they wouldn't be lesbians.

That's a good way of explaining the basics! (You'd think it would be obvious, but it's amazing how many "obvious" things need to be explained....)