I really enjoyed this book. It’s an extremely strong, touching and intriguing story of a kinkster coming of age. Coming to terms with her fetish has more twists and turns than the Mt. Washington Auto road, but going along for the ride is powerful and insightful. There were a couple of trigger points for me and I had to put it down for a bit more than once. Please be warned, if sex, fetish (specifically spanking), abuse or Shakespeare are difficult subjects you will want to pass.
There are a couple problems with her narrative not to mention the OMG she is SOOO young and she’s a Fulbright scholar, graduate of Stamford, and is a world traveller by 24--wtf am I doing with my life?
Without further ado, here are my thoughts on it--please forgive my tendency to fall to bullet points:
- Isolation is a very relative thing. It's not just about what you have available to you in the way of resources, but also about the comfort level you have. The author grew up in a very uncertain environment. When you are not sure if your parent is going to be a saint or a demon from one moment to the next, it's impossible to be completely comfortable. For me, that translated pretty easily to not being able to seek out support, information or community unless it was dropped in front of her. This is the first book I've read in recent history that demonstrates that.
- The conversations with Shakespeare’s characters started when she was diagnosed with MS. My feeling is that they were more a survival technique than a writing device. It's possible (and probable) that the neat little conversations in the book were a device. However, I have no difficulty believing that similar interactions, conversations or even scenes, did happen. They were probably less organized but none-the-less real.*
- I had trouble buying the idea that abuse wasn't a source of her fetish. She harped on that belief quite a bit before admitting to having been abused. Her idea that we are "hardwired" with a particular fetish, sexuality, what-have-you feels sound and plausible. Yet the strength of her fantasy conversations also felt like she was avoiding real life in general. When she did the reveal my reaction was “duh, tell me something I didn’t know”.*
-The journey that the author takes us on has a lot more to do with shame than pain or love. By the end of the book, I’m not sure she has conquered it. There were a lot of parallels for me and I know I still haven’t completely conquered mine either. (Despite the belief of some people. ;-) Though I have had much greater exposure to the resources available, it is still an ongoing process for me. Even my most recent partners don’t know the extent to which my fantasy life goes.
There are some pretty epic examples of what not to do, but the book evolves because the author did. Towards the end, it seems like she has a much healthier relationship with her fetish and is much more willing to investigate resources. It’s really not a “101” book, but her journey toward a happy relationship with her fetish (and her partner) is informative and something many kinky people can relate to.
When my own explorations were much younger, I might have appreciated it more. Ten to fifteen years ago my patience with her would have been greater and my cynicism much less.
*This is biased-no question. I grew up in a toxic household and suffered abuse-the fantasy conversations in particular are close to home. And I also know this is where a lot of my fetishes come from.
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Date: 2016-06-06 07:47 pm (UTC)There are a couple problems with her narrative not to mention the OMG she is SOOO young and she’s a Fulbright scholar, graduate of Stamford, and is a world traveller by 24--wtf am I doing with my life?
Without further ado, here are my thoughts on it--please forgive my tendency to fall to bullet points:
- Isolation is a very relative thing. It's not just about what you have available to you in the way of resources, but also about the comfort level you have. The author grew up in a very uncertain environment. When you are not sure if your parent is going to be a saint or a demon from one moment to the next, it's impossible to be completely comfortable. For me, that translated pretty easily to not being able to seek out support, information or community unless it was dropped in front of her. This is the first book I've read in recent history that demonstrates that.
- The conversations with Shakespeare’s characters started when she was diagnosed with MS. My feeling is that they were more a survival technique than a writing device. It's possible (and probable) that the neat little conversations in the book were a device. However, I have no difficulty believing that similar interactions, conversations or even scenes, did happen. They were probably less organized but none-the-less real.*
- I had trouble buying the idea that abuse wasn't a source of her fetish. She harped on that belief quite a bit before admitting to having been abused. Her idea that we are "hardwired" with a particular fetish, sexuality, what-have-you feels sound and plausible. Yet the strength of her fantasy conversations also felt like she was avoiding real life in general. When she did the reveal my reaction was “duh, tell me something I didn’t know”.*
-The journey that the author takes us on has a lot more to do with shame than pain or love. By the end of the book, I’m not sure she has conquered it. There were a lot of parallels for me and I know I still haven’t completely conquered mine either. (Despite the belief of some people. ;-) Though I have had much greater exposure to the resources available, it is still an ongoing process for me. Even my most recent partners don’t know the extent to which my fantasy life goes.
There are some pretty epic examples of what not to do, but the book evolves because the author did. Towards the end, it seems like she has a much healthier relationship with her fetish and is much more willing to investigate resources. It’s really not a “101” book, but her journey toward a happy relationship with her fetish (and her partner) is informative and something many kinky people can relate to.
When my own explorations were much younger, I might have appreciated it more. Ten to fifteen years ago my patience with her would have been greater and my cynicism much less.
*This is biased-no question. I grew up in a toxic household and suffered abuse-the fantasy conversations in particular are close to home. And I also know this is where a lot of my fetishes come from.